#TwistedTropes 22. Montezuma's terrible revenge

Image from Wikimedia Commons 

So let's say you visit Mexico (other countries are available - Editor), and you foolishly drink some of the tap-water, or perhaps indulge in some dodgy food. Later that day, you become aware of a strange feeling building in your lower reaches .... and slowly, it grows.

Soon you discover that you are not able to travel more than a couple of steps from the toilet, because quite frankly, the bottom is falling out of your world. You realise this is more than just a tummy upset. It's a serious, recurrent volcanic eruption that is fermenting in your nether regions, and nothing can stop it. You just have to sit it out, if you know what I mean (this is known as Montezuma's revenge. I deal with it regularly in this job - Editor)

Later, when you begin to recover from that strange, impossible ordeal of 'going' through the eye of a needle, you wonder why the local population aren't similarly affected by Montezuma's revenge. Then you read Wikipedia and discover that the locals are immune to the bacterial infection that has laid you low. The truth is, you'd need to live in Mexico for a long time before it stopped affecting you. In short, you'd need to be a resident rather than a visitor to avoid any problems (wondering if David White is reading this? - Editor).

Then you realise it could have been a lot worse. If you had visited Mexico 500 years ago during Montezuma's reign you would notice the hotel standards were quite poor. The tourist business was fairly primitive and flights were irregular (what are you talking about? - Editor). If you had strayed off the beaten track, you might easily have caught by the Aztecs, and sacrificed in a very nasty way (is there a nice way to be sacrificed? - Editor). Montezuma became chief executive of the Aztec empire in 1502 and he became a powerful boss with a very large penthouse office, a huge salary with share options, a Lear jet and stuff (this is a bit over the top - Editor). But his power came to nothing when Spanish troops, led by Hernán Cortés invaded the country and killed him in 1520 (20 minutes past 3 in the afternoon). A wholesale slaughter, enslavement and privatisation of all public services ensued, which didn't please the Aztecs one bit.

So Montezuma's revenge is so called for a reason. According to Wiktionary: "The condition is seen as “retribution” for the slaughter and enslavement of the Aztec people by Spanish conquistador Hernán Cortés on 13 August 1521." So be careful how you treat other people. Shake hands and make friends instead of subjugating them. Don't slaughter and enslave them - buy them dinner. Just make sure it's well cooked.

Next time: 23: Dale's crappy cone

Previous posts in the #TwistedTropes series
1. Pavlov's drooling dog
2. Chekhov's smoking gun
3. Occam's bloody razor
4. Schrödinger’s undead cat
5. Pandora's closed box
6. Frankenstein's well-meaning monster
7. Thor's lost hammer
8. Noah's character ark
9. Hobson's multiple choice
10. Fibonacci's annoying sequence
11. Plato's empty cave
12. Dante's lukewarm inferno
13. Sod's unlucky law
14. Aladdin's miserly lamp
15. Batman's tangled cape
16. Cupid's bent arrow
17. Fermat's dodgy last theorem
18. Moore's obsolete law
19. Lucifer's idiotic fall
20. Adam's poisoned apple
21. Hadrian's busted wall


Hadrian's busted wall by Steve Wheeler was written in Berlin, Germany and is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-ShareAlike 3.0 Unported License.

Posted by Steve Wheeler from Learning with e's